8.14 pm.
mood : depressed
okay im updating... link updates, you've gotta wait awhile though...
what do you do when everything you have based your life, you moral values, your decisions on, was stripped away, proved to be false, pointless? what is there left to do?
why is it that the world is so fucked up? gawd. is anything even going to change? are we caught in the flow of fate, with no way to escape? are we to spend our lives, and do what is dictated to us? get our 'O's, get into poly/jc. go uni/start working. stuck in the role paved for us. what is the point in living? my dream(which is so gawddamm unattainable to a person like me) is to study architecture in Yale. yea right man.. i can keep on dreaming. but even if i do achieve it, whats the point? what is the meaning in life? we are filled with materialistic wants. how do we find salvation? sometimes i wish the world would just end. that would spare us the trouble of living meaningless lives and still dying in the end anyway. oh hell, i dont know what to do. i dont know where to find motivation. am i just going to burnout and waste away? dammit whats wrong with me?
Revelation
as Anita's life went on, her relationships with Nathaniel progressed. a love though possibly created by the ardeur, love it is. i opened my eyes and looked at us. if there is even an us. i knew that we were never meant to be. many instances were there that made me feel special, that you shared them only with me. i know different now. people ask me why i crush only on people whom are not real; Nathaniel, Legolas, people from books, or unattainable people; the hot teacher, chace crawford, people that dont even know me. the answer is simple. i didnt want anyone but you. but after i read those words, i looked back on the time we spent together. it is clear that you dont give a shit about me. hell, i cant even imagine spending my life with you. i admit, im a touchyfeely kind of girl. i like hugs, i like showing my love and concern for a person i care for. i cant even imagine being in your arms. and now i know why. we just werent meant to be. my last goodbye to my love for you.
Sonetimes, even Milka chocolate cant ease my woes.Labels: victim of fate