I was reading my old blog, http://www.believeme-pigscanfly.blogspot.com/ and in my june 2006 archive, i found this story that i cried over. i'm gonna publish it again. because it really touched my heart, i hope i can become that girl who related that story to her own problems again. i hope i can become that girl who wasn't so stressed before, wasn't so corrupted. here's the story. the english is really bad. i will edit the spelling and grammer, the story is the same.
Leaf, Tree and Wind.
“Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay~ ”
Tree:
The reason I'm called Tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime I started to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors paintings. I have dated 5 girls when I was in Pre- U. There was one girl who I loved a lot but never dared go after. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary girl. I like her. I really like her. I like her innocence, her frankness. I like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. My reason for not going after her was because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all these good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other people's gossip will hurt her. I felt that if she's my girl, she will be mine ultimately and I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She has watched me chase after other girls, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years. She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what caused her to cry but laughed at her the whole day. When everybody went back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I had returned from soccer training to get something. I watched her cry for an hour or so.My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes was filled with shock. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laughed & joked with me like nothing ever happened. I know that she was very hurt but she didn't know that my heartache is as bad as hers.When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together with another guy. I knew who was the guy. He had been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school. I couldn't show her my heart ache but could only smile and congratulate her. When I reached home, the heartache became so strong that I couldn't stand it. It's was a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. I wanted to shout but couldn't. Tears rolled down and I broke down and cried. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too. During graduation, I read a sms in my phone. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cried. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"
Leaf:
During Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemons. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl. I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt many times by him. I begin to suspect that this was a one sided love. If he don't like me, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me is what I can never figure out. You can't expect me, a girl, to ask him right? Despite that, I still want to be by his side. To care for him, to accompany him, to love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come and return my love. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me an sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through and I really wanted to give up. Sometimes, I wondered, should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years. Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior began to go after me. Everyday he pursuited me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He was like a warm and gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leaf far away and to a better land. Finally I left Tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.
Wind:
I'm called Wind because I like a girl called Leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust of wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I transfered to the new school. I saw a petite girl watching my seniors and I playing soccer. During ECA time, she would always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends, looking at him. When he talks with girls, there would be jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him. One day, she didn't come to watch us play. I felt something amiss. I couldn't explain the feeling, except that it was a kind of uneasiness. The senior was not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note and gave it to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled and accepted the note. The next day, she appeared, passed me a note and left. "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me and accept my presents and phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I've never given up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bore a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend, I asked her again. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. Then I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hanged up the phone, quickly changed, took a taxi, rushed to her place and pressed her door bell. The moment when she opened the door, I hugged her tightly. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.
This story is really sad.. Fiona, after you read this, i think you will know how i feel...
I realised something after re-reading my old blog. I haven't changed from last year. If more than anything, I've gotten worse. i promised to choing this year, yet i ended up playing until the last minute. i vowed not to blog bad things, yet i just couldn't help it. yea, and i ruined most of my friendships. i'm crying now. lol.. can't believe it. Like joselin, i also have apologies to make.. but not now.. maybe later.. or tomorrow.. better stop crying first..