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December 18, 2009, 10:11 PM Work; the very thought of it makes me feel like yanking my hair out.

December 5, 2009, 3:54 AM Just came back from at server/partially bartending gig at vivo city. some world cup countdown event. the pay is awesome okay; 10bucks/hr :D and i get to interact with hawt models :):):) they drank A LOT. hahah. and i never knew it was so fun to open the bottle caps hahahaha moral of the story: bartending is FUN hahahaha, srly, im so gonna work part-time bartending whenever i get the chance :)

November 29, 2009, 11:45 PM

Had a fun day out with Rani <3>We met and reached ECP at around 2+, or is it 3+? whatever. haha, didnt keep track of time :x

November 28, 2009, 1:12 AM 'O' Levels are OVER! ok. they have been over for more than a week now. lmao. anyway. the point is that i FINALLY updated my blog :D *round of applause*

April 28, 2009, 8:12 PM 28 April 09

8.14 pm.

mood : depressed



okay im updating... link updates, you've gotta wait awhile though...

what do you do when everything you have based your life, you moral values, your decisions on, was stripped away, proved to be false, pointless? what is there left to do?

why is it that the world is so fucked up? gawd. is anything even going to change? are we caught in the flow of fate, with no way to escape? are we to spend our lives, and do what is dictated to us? get our 'O's, get into poly/jc. go uni/start working. stuck in the role paved for us. what is the point in living? my dream(which is so gawddamm unattainable to a person like me) is to study architecture in Yale. yea right man.. i can keep on dreaming. but even if i do achieve it, whats the point? what is the meaning in life? we are filled with materialistic wants. how do we find salvation? sometimes i wish the world would just end. that would spare us the trouble of living meaningless lives and still dying in the end anyway. oh hell, i dont know what to do. i dont know where to find motivation. am i just going to burnout and waste away? dammit whats wrong with me?

Revelation

as Anita's life went on, her relationships with Nathaniel progressed. a love though possibly created by the ardeur, love it is. i opened my eyes and looked at us. if there is even an us. i knew that we were never meant to be. many instances were there that made me feel special, that you shared them only with me. i know different now. people ask me why i crush only on people whom are not real; Nathaniel, Legolas, people from books, or unattainable people; the hot teacher, chace crawford, people that dont even know me. the answer is simple. i didnt want anyone but you. but after i read those words, i looked back on the time we spent together. it is clear that you dont give a shit about me. hell, i cant even imagine spending my life with you. i admit, im a touchyfeely kind of girl. i like hugs, i like showing my love and concern for a person i care for. i cant even imagine being in your arms. and now i know why. we just werent meant to be. my last goodbye to my love for you.

Sonetimes, even Milka chocolate cant ease my woes.

Labels: victim of fate

March 24, 2009, 9:53 PM 24 March 09

blahhhhhh..... editing my Letter to Editor now... or as i have termed it, Mr A Beta the ass. It was rather tedious editing it, cuz the final copy is in my mum's com, where i print my stuff.... my laptop is unable to connect to the printer -.-... yea, so i have like, the almost final piece.. cuz my mum helps me double check for errors haha =x... so now.. i have to check word by word.. blehhhh... at least that is done.. all i have to do now is expand my last paragraph.. damm i should have expanded it earlier.. i would then have then gotten a content point + for all the content points =(( ohh well.. but now, im stuck. i have no idea what to add.. sigh.. i shall leave it to later haha.. (i have a really really REALLY bad habit of procrastinating =x tsk! must stamp it out! somehow... =x heck)

anyway.. today was okay i guess.. had PE during the first period.. was jogging at the back haha =x passed by some people.. the more.. then phoebe started jogging with me.. then she stop. i was thinking, should i wait? yea i should. so i jogged with her, pushing her. then she stopped again. she puked. -.- it was.. OO never saw phoebe look so weak before. encouraged/pushed her to the park toilet. oh and she puked a second time.. and got some on me -.- gross... but whatever.. poor phoebe.. she must have felt so sick =x anyway, in the toilet, i poured water all over her head. read somewhere that it is supposed to help lols.. we walked/jogged back. as we entered the school gates, we raced back. tsk phoebe.. she got well really fast lol okay... i dont know why, but as the years pass, i hate running more and more. i just hate it. its like.. when you run, you get sweaty, your muscles ache, you feel like shit. or maybe i am just unhealthy. whatever. seriously. i rather swim 2.4 km then run it. in the water, i feel free. swimming takes my mind off everything(when im sprinting) and when i swimming laps, i enter this peaceful state of mind. i love it. sadly, my speed is not up to standard =(( now, even though i know regrets will not change anything and that it is all my own fault, i wish that i had trained harder in sec 2 and sec 3, and that i didnt have such *problems.. =(( sighh..okay back to my day. during math, we went through 17.1 A math is getting easier to understand now. or maybe it is because i have partially master differentiation =D but it is really monotonous and tedious. i still prefer e math xD during bio, mr leong was late again.. tsk.. but at least he was not as late as before.. anyway, he continued teaching. okay i know it is bad to say this, but i really do not like his teaching now.. it is damm boring.. i fell asleep =x i feel bad. ok i was tired. anyway, i suddenly woke up with a start, completely refreshed. caught up on what mr leong was teaching with a little help from xing juan (thanks gal, love ya!) i cant believe that he took so long to teach a simple concept. ok, what right do i have to critisize? i was not even listening -.- whatever. he released us late.. =( after recess, was english all the way. we are to write another situational essay. it is on prom. whoooooo! prom ~ ~ ~ ~ i wanna go to prom! haha ok, i just want an excuse to dress up, style my hair in some huge hairstyle(jk), spray on makeup(jk, not spray. apply) and just look at my very best. haha. prom ~ ~ ~ ~ haha. anyway.. about the lesson.. no offense to qi jun and melissa, but the discussion was damm boring.. at least 50% of the time, im the only one talking.. gahhhh.. damm frustrating. i talk talk talk. they go mmmm.. okay.. we write down. blahh. luckily it is not all the time. thank god. damm i miss my last year's group with rani, sylvia and wenshan.. we talked like damm a lot of crap luhhh. damm fun.. i would say something stupid/pervy. they would laugh. they would add on. we laugh even more. and it goes on.. damm spastic haha. but had i a choice, i would so choose a group where i can laugh laugh laugh and keep on laughing.. not like now, i joke and laugh laugh laugh.. qi jun and melissa join in for awhile, then stop. then im the only one still laughing. so i have to stop and contain my laughter. and i see their faces. suddenly, it is not funny anymore. sigh.. i find that i am laughing less this year and getting more moody.. just that no one sees it. and when i dont laugh.. people say i look angry, or i look emo. ok whatever. damm i miss sec 3. nvm. 8 more months till i am free of ccks! SP here i come! lols.. kay back on topic, after english, we had PC. we went to the com lab and did the personal globe test thingy to see what jobs suit us. well.. on the first try, the results gave me jobs like author, journalist, ART TEACHER(wtf?! i hate kids, no, jk but WTF?! i never want to go into teaching!) screenwriter, basically all the arty and englishy stuff. lol! but it didnt have my goal.. architecture.. =(( so i did the test again. cuz the first time i did it, i left many things at 1. cuz i had no idea what they expected. and this time, my results were pretty similar. still had ART TEACHER wtf, all the englishy and arty stuff. oh oh, both had PROFESSOR haha lols. okay, this time, they had ARCHITECTURE! hahahah! gawd.. thats my dream! lols. okay. hmm, the possible jobs that i would want would be being an architect, journalist(in fashion magazines haha), author, facial theraphist, or anthropologist. the last is out, though it is my fav, cuz it does not earn good money. so is the 4th one. so i am left with the 1st 3. i guess if i do achieve my dream of being an architect, i can still write novels at the same time haha. okay, after PC, we had chinese. three words. WASTE OF TIME! gahhh.. chinese is so pointless since i am going to fail anyway. its too late for me. at the most, i will scrape a pass. my brain is not wired for chinese. or maybe it is just mdm lin. -.- her attitude is demoralizing, her face is sickening, and her voice grates on my nerves. I MISS FURONG!!! furong is the best chinese teacher i ever had. not like there is much competition. mdm lin taught me in lower sec too. or rather, she started demoralizing me in lower sec. whatever. furong is still the best! walked to lot 1 with Gladys after that =D she bought the bus concession and we took 302 home. We talked about many things =) back at home, i finished my book. yay, lilith is banished, john taylor saves the day, or rather, saves Nightside. but not without a price. a heavy one in fact. lilith practically destroyed everything in the Nightside. but still, it will start over =) pity Tommy Oblivion died TT okay, i dont know for a fact that he died. but he is missing at the end of the book and it is presumed that he died. =((((( i liked him lols okay, back to my editing before i send the situational piece to mdm prema and finish up my chem hw haha nights people(to those sane ones who are going to sleep now)

10.39 pm

March 17, 2009, 11:13 PM 17 March 2009

Back from swimming camp =) =D thank god it is over. im aching all over. =(
1st day:
reached school at about 7.20+(my father sent me to school, doh! why else would i go so early?! -.-) carrying all my stuff(i overpacked -.-) and the breakfast things. gawd, it was freaking heavy. the breakfast things i mean. 30 eggs, mayo, butter, bread blah blah. ok whatever. waited outside hod room with guan ki and some others while the rest arrived one by one.. so slow -.-.. ok anyway, after that, when it hit 8, i went up to 4/6 classroom for chem lesson. wish i didnt. it was.. nevermind, i shall not say the word! lols anyway, went to the pool with kand zheng. he walks damm fast ok. lol, we walked to bukit batok swimming complex from west mall, and while he "speed walk", i was strolling behind haha =x and... when we reached.. =.= wtf. the coach was instructing them in the BABY POOL!! wtf.. his reason? to see our stokes clearer.. -.- ah whatever. lols ok after that, with about half an hour left to the training, we went to the competition pool. haha kang zheng was like damm funny haha =x (the railing lol lols! bet he was like damm ps! haha, yu qi!) okay anyway, after training we headed back to school. yu qi v generously paid for taxi fare back.(THANK YOU YU QI!) after that, we started hanging our stuff up. in the bunks, (aka classrooms. the girls stayed in 5/1 lol) we tied rafia string from one end of the classroom to the other on the windows, and hanged all our wet stuff on it, aka swimming costumes, towels.. and for sharon? her undergarments LOL LOL! mr cook(an ang moh cher who is attached to our cca) walked by the classroom to check on us and.... saw her bra hanging there LOL!!!!! hahaha damm funny luh! his expression was priceless. needless to say, we were LMAO!!! after lunch, we went to IT room 3 for our "instructional video", which made up of the clips that sharon and ms chua took during previous trainings to show us our mistakes. okay.. no offense, but i feel that the new coach, aka HC(hairy coach. he is damm hairy ok. hair here hair there hair EVERYWHERE) does not reaaaaallllllyyy know what he is teaching. don't know how to explain luh, but his coaching a bit weird weird. I MISS COACH JOANNE!!!! she was our coach last year and she ROCKS!! lols miss her like crazy. but coach alex(who takes over when HC is not around) is okok. he is damm funny lols. anyway, after that, we went back to BBSC. ok the training was damm tiring ok. lols.. but still endurable. not too tough. it was just damm squeezy. HC does not organize training well! =x he made us all swim at one go. hello.. is there enough space?? and we were like all cramped together and kept kicking each other accidently =(( after that, we headed back to school, had dinner and arranged the tables in our respective bunks. for us gals, the lower sec girls slept on the tables(so not a good idea because they are uneven = back ache the next day), while us upper sec girls laid our sleeping bags on the floor to sleep. after arranging everything, we headed to IT room 3 for our horror movie.. i thought it was scary at the start. in the end.. it was.. -.- we watched Cujo, a movie based on a Stephen King book. well... it is SO NOT a horror movie, but a thriller instead. the dog was damm disgusting luhhh.. all the foam and snot and mucous and saliva and blood.. gross! it was damm gory. so not my cup of tea! okay, after that, we had our night snack and turned in. or rather, jen and i turned in while sharon and yu qi walked about the school and waited for the night to pass. i feel kinda guilty for sleeping so well while they could not fall asleep >.< sigh, oh well, im still damm tired.
2nd day:
was woken up by some inconsiderate person(was it jia li? dunno luh) who turned on the bloody lights... my extra 20 mins of sleepppp... =(( anyway, washed up, blah blah, and made breakfast while the rest went for 2.4 run hee hee. ^^v lols. sharon, yu qi, guan ki and others helped as well. sharon could not run due to her humongous blisters. guan ki etc etc had lessons that they had to attend. lols. we made mashed eggs with mayo =D yums. so, we had ham, eggs, butter, bread and milo for breakfast. hahas. but there was a shortage of bread =(( should have bought more! lols. you know what? im too lazy to blog the rest. its late and i want to sleep. why am i even blogging?! -.- nights

March 11, 2009, 8:42 PM 11 March 2009

i made up a new quote lols: "The only thing worse than having a limited vocabulary is knowing many words but not knowing how to use them accurately." lols. i dont know if it has been used by other people before, but heck. sometimes when i hear people use the completely wrong words, i want to cry. they are only making a fool of themselves. (no hard feelings =x) ok whatever

Sports Day today. Well, it was not as bad as i dreaded. I just wish that i could have ran faster and maybe my team could have done better. i feel like i was the one pulling everyone back >.< ughhh.. im so sorry, guys. i know eugene must be damm disappointed with the 10 x 200. it is after all, our last race. no more chances next year.. we'll have graduated already.. hais.. sorry eugene.. furthermore, it was his birthday.. haiz..


my heart is heavy. i dont know what to do. maybe it is because i read Shadow Kiss and the ending is damm sad.. but it made me think about my life, or more specifically, my love life. or rather, my lack of one. i dunno, but it must be good to be in love and be loved in return. or at least that what people always experience in books. in real life, the people around me, when they get in BGRs, the ending is always the same. heartaches and breakups. is it because we are just too young to get into any relationships? like in the books i read, the people live rather interesting lives. as in, they dont really have to worry about school etc. they have their focus in life. besides Shadow Kiss, most of the books are set in fantasy worlds. the characters are not teens. so does that mean that they are old enough to understand the meaning behind relationships? that they understand what it means to truly love someone? hais. some of my friends, they spend their times worrying and pining over jerks who dumped them. seriously.. guys like that should be wiped off the face of the earth. gahhhh maybe i am just too critical. i am too quick to judge. sigh. i dont know. whatever

i find that i am disliking who i am becoming. sometimes i cant stand myself. but it is like as though i am on autopilot at times. the words spill out of my mouth like vomit(quoted from mean girls lol). aka, the dirty jokes etc. i dont know. maybe i am just doing what is expected of me? i feel like i am just hiding behind a mask. that if i were to reveal who i truly am, people wont recognise me. i wish i could do my life over again. there would be so many things i would change. and many people i wouldnt want to have anything to do with. perhaps i would be a much better person right now. ok whatever. i shall try one day to not do anything stupid. make stupid jokes, talk back to mdm ching, talk crap, etc. i should just stick to my books and stay there. they are my haven. hais. ok whatever

okay jackie, get your life back on track. finish your frigging homework!

March 10, 2009, 9:42 PM Wow. what a week. okay. no, it should be, what a day(s) since my last post.
I didnt do well for my chem test :( but it was expected. hais. i have to take control of my life! but i need some space and respite to do it! thank god the holidays are approaching. I swear, my life will be under control by the time the march holidays are over. yes i mean it. =x
damm, it is Sports Day tomorrow. I PRAY THAT IT STARTS RAINING AT 7.40am!!! im sorry to all those sports day enthu people, but i really dont want sports day to take place. firstly, i failed to get into the top 3 for javelin =( i knowed that i should have approached mr liew to teach us javelin earlier.. =x sigh. furthermore, i have to run. gahhhh. i just want to sit in the stands and cheer! dont want to run!!! but im doing this for cheryldine. sigh.. i dont want to make a fool of myself TT hais....
anyway, we had the english compo test today. thank god i didnt write qn 1. so many people wrote it! and besides, if i did, i probably wouldnt complete it lols. i wrote on wn 3 :D my essay was like.. damm short luhh only 3 and a quarter sides of the foolscap. and my storyline... its like damm short.. like, the entire thing is only less than half an hour la. =x sigh.. i hope i didnt write out of point >< cuz is not exactly Fugitive lols. and it was set in a futuristic world lols
and it will be the march hols next week. there is CCA camp on monday and tuesday... clashing with chem -.- bloody hell. have to attend chem stinking of chlorine.. sigh.. oh, yu qi, jen, sharon and i were placed in charge of monday's supper and tuesday's breakfast. :D breakfast includes egg sandwiches made by yours truly :D hahahaha so fun sia. poison everyone LOL jkjk, im not so bad lols. =x and oh crap. sharon is forcing us to watch a midnight horror movie in the AVA room. someone save me!! ahhhh!! i think i wont even be watching luhhh.. more probably hiding my face in jen's shoulder -.- I HATE HORROR MOVIES!! TT lols...
okay, nothing more to say le
lols cyas

March 5, 2009, 6:44 PM
HAHAHAHAHA! ok, http://failblog.org is SO FREAKING HILARIOUS!!! hahahahahahahahaha!! well, i'll just let the pictures speak for themselves XD enjoy ~ ~ ~ ~ ~